Navigating Grief: The Forced Highway Exit

Picture this: You are cruising down the highway. The sun is out, the music is playing, and your cruise control is set. You know exactly where you are going, and you are making great time.

Then, out of nowhere, the road changes. A sudden exit appears. You don’t want to take it, but you don’t have a choice. Your steering wheel jerks, and suddenly, you are forced off the highway.

Welcome to the off-ramp of grief.

In my therapy sessions, I often use this driving analogy because the person/s experiencing a loss thier reality and experience of time has shifted. You are currently not on the same timeline as everyone else. Depending on the type of loss, who the loss influences the degree of timeline, reality shift

It is an abrupt change of scenery that you never consented to.

If you are currently navigating a loss, looking at your grief through a windshield can help make sense of the chaos.

The View From the Forced Exit

The hardest part about being forced off the highway is looking over your shoulder. From the slow, winding service road of grief, you can still see the main highway. You watch other people speeding along, singing to the radio, and hitting their milestones.

It is incredibly isolating.

You might wonder,

“Why is everyone else moving so fast while I’m stuck down here?”

If you feel this way, this is a normal expereince and relates to how your reality, timeline has been altered.

You are simply navigating a completely different road system now. You cannot drive on a rocky, unfamiliar backroad the same way you drive on a three-lane highway.

Shifting Your Gears

When you are forced onto a detour, your driving habits have to change.

Here is how to manage the new terrain:

• Check your dashboard: Pay attention to your warning lights. Emotional exhaustion, anger, and deep sadness are your dashboard lights telling you to check the engine.

  Don't ignore them.

• Change your speed: You cannot rush through a detour. If you try to go 100 km/h on a winding dirt road, you will crash. It is okay to drop into first gear. It is okay to go slow.

• Pull over when needed: Sometimes, the fog of grief is too thick to see the road ahead. When that happens, the safest thing to do is pull over, park the car, and rest. You don't have to navigate the whole route today.

Recalculating the Route

Eventually, the road will smooth out. You will find your way back to a main road, and you won't be the same driver. The scenery has changed, and your GPS has recalculated a completely new path forward.

The goal of grief work isn’t to pretend the detour never happened. It is about learning how to drive this new route with compassion for yourself and reintegrate the loss into everyday life.

A Quick Roadside Check-In

Before you close this page, take a second to check your mirrors:

• Where are you on the road today?

• Do you need to put the brakes on and rest, or are you ready to shift into second gear?

• Whatever your speed, just keep your eyes on the road right in front of you.

If you are experiencing grief and need someone to talk too, I am here to support you. I offer funded counselling for those bereaved by suicide.

Book your first session